I Am So Scared

He has the sweetest spirit, our E-Tron. He has a smile that will light up the darkest of rooms, eyes that shine forever and a giggle that can make the grumpiest old man grin. His touch is naturally gentle. He is surprisingly kind, for a three year old. He is the child that will sit next to the kid in time-out, bring toys to the baby that doesn't have any, and loves others instantly. His heart is made out of gold. I've always been so proud of him, his gentle heart, his sweet spirit. He made me 'Mommy,' he is my first baby-love, only he can fill that Tron shaped whole in my heart that I didn't even know I had until I saw those two pink lines on the home pregnancy test I took at work (does that make it a work pregnancy test).

Last Thursday he went in to get tubes in his ears for the 3rd time, we knew what to expect, we were comfortable with the procedure, even though it's hard to let your child go to an operating room without you, we knew it would only last a few minutes. My husband and I sat in the waiting room for only about 20 minutes when they let us know our 3 year old was ready for us in recovery.

I always look forward to the recovery room, not that I look forward to any operation, but I look forward to that alone time with my babies. Whether it is the recovery room after birth, or the recovery room from a simple operation, it's just them and my husband and I. It seems almost peaceful, all that cuddle time. While we were in recovery, the anesthesiologist let us know that they needed to monitor his heart for a little longer. I didn't really think anything of it, I was assuming it was a standard procedure. A while later they came back and let us know what they found.

During the operation the anesthesiologist found that my sons heart did not have a normal beat, his rhythm was slightly off. They wanted to monitor it longer to see if it would go back to normal, it didn't. They did a wonderful job about making me feel comfortable though, letting me know that it didn't seem like there was anything to worry about, but they did want us to meet with his pediatrician the next morning.

While meeting with the nurse practitioner at the pediatricians office, it was confirmed that my sweet little man not only had a heart murmur, but also an arrhythmia. She said that the murmur was not a concern, but the arrhythmia was. She was so sweet, I didn't realize what all she said until I was driving home with my son. She didn't want me to be concerned (they never do) but these arrhythmia's are one of the reasons why children have just dropped dead (yeah, she said that). She mentioned that they were concerned that my darling 3 year old may have SVT or VT.

Now I've looked into both of these, and anything that suggests that you be prepared to administer CPR at any given moment is no friend of mine!

After we had an EKG, they decided that we need to meet with the cardiologist on May 12th. Ugh, I hate the waiting game..........